1
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,360
- Hello.
- Hello, everybody!

2
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Thank you so much.

3
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,680
- Thank you!
- Thank you.

4
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Greetings!

5
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Thank you, thank you, thank you.

6
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Thank you, everybody.
Thank you.

7
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And welcome, and thank you all

8
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for braving these treacherous
conditions to get here.

9
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It took me nearly nine minutes this morning.

10
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His slippers got all soggy
on the way.

11
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I nearly fell over once,
but I made it.

12
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Don't worry,

13
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because we have an incredible
reward for you all.

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Because, in this
action-packed show...

15
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...James wears a red anorak...

16
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...Richard looks at a pipe
of some sort...

17
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...and I make a cup of tea.

18
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,560
It is non-stop action.

19
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Non-stop. But...
but we begin with mankind.

20
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- Wow! Big start!
- It is a big start.

21
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You see, the thing is,
as a species,

22
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we are very pleased
with ourselves,

23
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because we have the Porsche 918

24
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:08,960
and the Ferrari TheFerrari:

25
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:13,200
cars that can travel at
212mph, an incredible speed.

26
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Whereas cows and ants and...

27
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- What are you going on about?
- Well, think about it, OK.

28
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A cow is exactly the same now

29
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as it was a million years ago.

30
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Well, maybe a bit more
delicious now,

31
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but basically the same.

32
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It still stands around
all day long

33
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in a field eating grass.

34
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Whereas we think
that we've improved.

35
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But have we?

36
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- Yes.
- Yeah, we have.

37
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Well, now, you say that,

38
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but we were travelling
at way more than 212mph

39
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,560
in our cars 25 years ago.

40
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This is the Jaguar XJ220.

41
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:06,120
And with a top speed of 217mph,

42
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it was the fastest car
in the world.

43
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For about five minutes.

44
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And then this came along.

45
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The 218mph
Bugatti EB 110 Super Sport.

46
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Both these cars
were conceived in the '80s,

47
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when Gordon Gekko
was running amok,

48
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,760
and the world
was awash with money.

49
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,400
But by the time they went
on sale in the early '90s...

50
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An incredible day
on Wall Street.

51
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,440
The market has fallen
over 400 points.

52
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...the stock market
had crashed.

53
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There's only one word to
describe what's happening,

54
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and that is "panic".

55
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So, the only people
who might have bought them

56
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were too busy hurling themselves
out of their office windows

57
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on Wall Street.

58
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So, these cars,
they came, they conquered,

59
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,840
and no-one noticed.

60
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,520
Today, though, 25 years later,

61
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,960
there are only three cars
in current production

62
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that are faster than this.

63
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,840
However, while there is
a lot of performance,

64
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the way it's delivered is...
quite old-fashioned.

65
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You put your foot down,
and then you wait

66
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,080
while the turbo-chargers
spool up.

67
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It takes quite a while,
cos there are four of them.

68
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Talk among yourselves.

69
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,640
However, when the 3.5l V12

70
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,080
is finally getting
all the food it needs...

71
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,160
Oh, God!

72
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,920
...all hell breaks loose.

73
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Oh!

74
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,440
Through the corner.

75
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:07,840
Mild terror.

76
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,920
The speed is hilarious!

77
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:16,960
And terrifying.

78
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,720
That's probably why
they fitted it

79
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:24,000
with this plastic sheeting
rather than carpets,

80
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,600
because they knew that one
day you would soil yourself.

81
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You did have to be good

82
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:33,960
to get the best
out of this thing.

83
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,400
Which brings me on to
Michael Schumacher.

84
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:41,680
He could have had any car
he wanted back in the day,

85
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,280
but he had one of these.

86
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:45,480
Weirdly, however,

87
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,920
and mainly because
I think it looks better,

88
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I'd have chosen the Jag.

89
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It was supposed to have been
a four-wheel drive V12,

90
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:09,040
like the Bugatti,

91
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but Jaguar found that
much too complicated.

92
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So, they gave it
the turbo-charged V6

93
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,440
from a Metro rally car,

94
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:19,880
rear-wheel drive, the rear
lights from a Rover 200,

95
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,680
and then they said,
"That'll do,"

96
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,880
and went to the pub.

97
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So, does that mean the Jag
is embarrassed by the Bugatti

98
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,800
in a drag race?

99
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:40,640
Right, before we do this,

100
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,240
I have to tape
the cassette player in place,

101
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:48,080
because the last time I did
a full-bore standing start

102
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,960
in an XJ220,

103
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,200
the acceleration was so vivid,

104
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,520
the stereo shot out
of its slot in the dashboard,

105
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,760
ricocheted off the gear lever,

106
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,480
and then speared
into my left plum.

107
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,520
It was very uncomfortable.

108
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,880
Oh, the end's come off.

109
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,760
That's good.
Right, window up.

110
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,840
Right, let's do this!

111
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:51,800
Don't know when to change gear,

112
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,680
because the rev counter's
broken.

113
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This is close.

114
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,120
Oh, my word! Ha!

115
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,040
Score one for the Jag!

116
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,120
Whoa! That was some speed!

117
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,240
After a quarter of a mile,

118
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:24,280
the badly-made Jag
was doing 135mph,

119
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:28,320
and a modern day Lamborghini
Huracan couldn't do that.

120
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:33,080
Which proves that in the last
25 years, we've come nowhere.

121
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Except, we have.

122
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,400
You see, back in '92 and '93,

123
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,160
there was no Wi-Fi,
there was no PlayStation,

124
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DVD hadn't been invented,

125
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Justin Bieber hadn't been born.

126
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,920
There was no Google,
Amazon was a river.

127
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,840
There was no
internet pornography.

128
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,360
Well, that's probably
a good thing,

129
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,880
cos there was no Viagra, either.

130
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,640
The early '90s
were the dark ages,

131
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:01,360
and when you drive
these cars, it shows.

132
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,720
In here,
there's no power-steering.

133
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,000
No air conditioning.

134
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,600
No anti-lock brakes.

135
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,080
And obviously,
no driver aids of any kind.

136
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:34,360
Got a 525bhp engine back there.

137
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:39,600
Ooh, shi...

138
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:45,320
Being fed by a turbo-charger
the size of a wheelie bin.

139
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,880
And all there is in here
to tame it is me!

140
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,560
Ah!

141
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,120
Oh!

142
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,680
After a couple of laps
in this thing,

143
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,560
you really are aching.

144
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,040
And sweating.

145
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,320
And you're frightened.
You really are.

146
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,920
Cos this is not a car that's
just gonna forgive you.

147
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:24,440
If you overdo it,
you're gonna hit a tree,

148
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,240
and that's just an end of it.

149
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,760
So, there we are.

150
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,160
A modern supercar
may be no faster

151
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,720
than these monsters
from the past,

152
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:51,640
but a modern supercar
makes the speed fun and easy,

153
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:57,240
not terrifying and bathed in an
unholy mix of sweat and faeces.

154
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,320
Well done.

155
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,400
Covered it all there.

156
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:10,680
No, seriously, well done,

157
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,600
because nobody's ever
finished a road test

158
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,480
with the word "faeces" before.

159
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,720
No, that was a first.

160
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,880
But I'm just thinking,

161
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,320
it isn't just supercars
that are getting slower,

162
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,320
because you remember
the Lotus Sunbeam?

163
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,160
- When was that, 1979, '78?
- Yeah.

164
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,920
That did 0-60 in 6.6 seconds,

165
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,240
and there aren't many
hot hatches

166
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:29,920
that would keep up with that,
even today.

167
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,200
And then you've got trains.
The Mallard, the steam train,

168
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:33,640
is quicker
than most electric trains.

169
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:37,560
SR-71 Blackbird, nothing
in the skies as fast as that.

170
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,880
I suppose, if you think about
it, we used to be able

171
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,000
to get across the Atlantic
in three hours,

172
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,800
- and now it takes us seven.
- Exactly.

173
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,760
And now we must put some
numbers on our argument

174
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,480
by sending the Bugatti
round the Eboladrome.

175
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,040
Come on, old-timer!

176
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,080
And she's off.

177
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:57,960
A smooth start.

178
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,600
Four-wheel drive system
maintaining traction

179
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,520
in these wet conditions.

180
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:06,200
It really is soaking
out there today!

181
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,760
Right, a measured line
through the first curve,

182
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,240
and then carefully
working the throttle

183
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,000
to keep things in check.

184
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,600
Approaching the sweep
down to Your Name Here,

185
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,240
and smoothly done.

186
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:22,560
Crikey! Managing to get
the tyres squealing,

187
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,760
even on this damp section.

188
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,920
And then winding up
the little V12

189
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,200
to fire it back onto the Isn't.

190
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,880
Single wiper
batting away the drizzle,

191
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,040
as she hustles it
towards the braking zone

192
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,040
for the tricky
Old Lady's House complex.

193
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,080
How will it get on here?

194
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,800
Very neat.

195
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,160
Very controlled.

196
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,760
And now back on the gas
for the run to Substation.

197
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,640
And you can hear the fizz

198
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,680
from those four
furiously spinning turbos.

199
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,000
Keeping it together there
nicely.

200
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,200
Field Of Sheep to go.

201
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,520
Glides through there,
and across the line.

202
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,680
So, let's see where
it goes on the board.

203
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,360
I'm imagining pretty high up.

204
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,560
Oh.

205
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,720
- That's not very fast.
- No, it isn't very fast.

206
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,000
But we put the Jag round,
as well,

207
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,480
and that did it in...

208
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,800
Hang on, I've got the time here.
Just bear with me.

209
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,840
...one thirty-five one.

210
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,920
So...
slower than the Bugatti?

211
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,800
Yes.

212
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,240
Slower, in fact, than everything

213
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,800
except a small, cheap
Volkswagen hatchback,

214
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,120
which also went round
in the soaking wet.

215
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,600
Yes.

216
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,440
So, contrary to what
you were saying earlier on,

217
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,680
supercars have got much faster

218
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,600
over the last 25 years.

219
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,280
Yes.

220
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,760
Right! Moving on!

221
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,280
Because now it's time

222
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,600
to order
some doughnuts of debate

223
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:55,640
from the Chat Café,
on Conversation Street.

224
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,480
- I was terrified.
- Yeah.

225
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:05,840
Right, good. Now...

226
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,080
- ...you know the BMW Z4?
- Yes.

227
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:09,960
The only car, incidentally,

228
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,160
designed on the interior
and the exterior by women.

229
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,280
- OK?
- It was.

230
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,240
Well, they're dropping it,
and replacing it with this.

231
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,080
This has been designed
by a man, so...

232
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,240
Mm-hm. And where are you
going with this one, Jeremy?

233
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:27,520
So, it won't be able
to take its jumper off

234
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,360
by folding its arms.

235
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,720
- What?
- What are you on about?

236
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,760
Men can't take their jumpers
off like women do,

237
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,360
- crossing their arms.
- I can do that!

238
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,320
- You're not a man.
- Oh, right.

239
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,560
I take my jumper...

240
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,480
That's how you take
a jumper off, like that.

241
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,000
How do you know?

242
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,280
You just wait for the
paramedics to come along,

243
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,160
cut it off after your accident.

244
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,480
Yes, but that's how
you take a jumper off.

245
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,880
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Take your jumper off.

246
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,920
Just take your jumper off. Watch this.
How does he take it off?

247
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,360
Er, like this.

248
00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,800
There, you see?
Like a man.

249
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,320
Are there any women
wanna take...

250
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,840
Oh, no, we can't do that.

251
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,200
Seriously, women, do you know
what I'm on about?

252
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,440
Yes.

253
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:08,560
Women cross...

254
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,200
If I tried to do that,
I'd dislocate my shoulder!

255
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,440
Thank you for that nonsense,
Jeremy.

256
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,480
Can we maybe get back to
the BMW now, which is a car?

257
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:17,800
Yes, it is.
Now, I have to say,

258
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,960
the old one was never
as good to drive

259
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,640
- as it was to look at.
- I know what you mean.

260
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,360
It wasn't. It was sort of
baggy, wasn't it?

261
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,000
Yeah, and there was never
an M version.

262
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,200
You know,
it was all just unexciting.

263
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:28,920
But I'm hoping this new one

264
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,640
is as good to drive as it looks,

265
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,120
and it does look very good,

266
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,640
- even though it will struggle with its jumper.
- Yeah, whatever.

267
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,280
Anyway, if I was looking
for a new BMW Z4,

268
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,200
actually, I'd have one of these,

269
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,880
because this is
the new Toyota Supra.

270
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,400
I know, it looks phenomenal!

271
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,000
And that underneath
is basically a Z4.

272
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,960
- Same engine and everything.
- Same chassis.

273
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,640
It is a Z4, but with that body.

274
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,560
And that body,
I have to say, looks amazing.

275
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,240
And do you know
the most amazing thing is,

276
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,520
they're talking about a price
between 40,000 and 60,000,

277
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,560
which is much less
than it looks like.

278
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,200
See, I think that is
actually filling a gap in the market.

279
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,200
There is a need right now
for a mid-price sportscar,

280
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,520
because there really
aren't many, if any.

281
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,160
There's the Audi TT RS.

282
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,960
Well, that'll definitely take its
jumper off like that, won't it?

283
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,720
And then stow it
in the overhead lockers,

284
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,720
tell you where the doors are.

285
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,760
Now, Volkswagen's
US Head of Regulation -

286
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,800
that was his job title -
a guy called Oliver Schmidt.

287
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,520
He's just been done
for his part in Dieselgate.

288
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,480
And they've given him
seven years in jail.

289
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,680
Or, as he would put it,
4.2 years.

290
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,760
And a fine of £400,000,

291
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,920
or whatever that translates
into VW money.

292
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,640
Two hundred
and seventy thousand.

293
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:42,080
The fascinating thing is, there was a
warrant out for his arrest in America,

294
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,400
but he was in Germany.

295
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,000
And then, for some reason,

296
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:48,320
he decided to take his
annual holiday in Florida,

297
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,800
and got arrested at the airport.

298
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,120
"Oh, nein!"

299
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,200
- Why did he do that?
- Because he's a moron?

300
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,520
- Oh, yeah.
- Well, he must be!

301
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,520
He must be!
The only thing I can think of

302
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,920
is that Volkswagen needed
someone to do some jail time

303
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,200
- for what had happened.
- And he volunteered to do it?

304
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,600
No, I reckon they probably said,

305
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,600
"You are ze employee
of ze month, Mr Schmidt,

306
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,800
and you have won
a fortnight's holiday

307
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,280
in Disney World!"

308
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,680
- "Ah, danke!"
- And off he toddled.

309
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,040
"Oh, no,
they have arrested me!"

310
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:18,520
That's actually a seven-year
holiday, Mr Schmidt,

311
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,880
and the catering is terrible.

312
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,760
Now, do you remember
the Rimac we had

313
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,200
in programme one of this season?

314
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,440
- There it is.
- Yeah.

315
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,320
Well, they've announced
there is a new one coming out.

316
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:31,080
Well, what happened to that one?

317
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,680
No, that was called
the Concept One.

318
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,960
Mm-hm.
- And they only made eight of those, actually.

319
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,360
- How many are left?
- Seven. Shut up!

320
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,680
What happened
to the other one, Hammond?

321
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,400
Just stop saying things!

322
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,360
The new one is gonna be
called the Concept Two,

323
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,200
and amazingly they're saying
it's gonna be even faster,

324
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,680
and that was blindingly fast.

325
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,760
I actually don't believe
that you can make a car go...

326
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,160
Well, they say
it's gonna be faster,

327
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,360
and it's a bit bigger inside.

328
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,960
Which you did need, cos
that one was quite cramped.

329
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,960
- You can fit in this one.
- I could fit in the last one.

330
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,360
You'd be less like Spam, though,

331
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,080
if you rolled it
over and over and over.

332
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,800
It should be more dangerous,
you're right.

333
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,480
We've actually got a picture
of the new Concept Two.

334
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,400
Here it is, Hammond.
You'll like this.

335
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,920
Oh, God.

336
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,000
Ooh, now,
there's a new McLaren, OK?

337
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:11,520
I've got a picture of it here.

338
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,400
This is staggering. OK?
I've got some of the details.

339
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,360
It's their new flagship,
kinda replaces the P1.

340
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:22,240
Super hard-core. 789 horsepower
mentalist that thing.

341
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,880
And they've called it... And this
is a tremendous name, I think.

342
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,920
- They've called it the Senna.
- Ooh, cool.

343
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,000
I mean, that is a really
cool name for a car like that.

344
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,120
I'm glad they didn't
call it the Mansell.

345
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,640
- No, less cool.
- With its droning engine note.

346
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,480
And it would have a stupid
moustache above its number place.

347
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,560
And if it were a
convertible, a tweed roof.

348
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,280
McLaren Hunt could work,
cos he was quite cool.

349
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,920
A terrible thirst, though,
it would have.

350
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,240
Yeah, a lot of smoke coming out.

351
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,680
Every now and again it would try and
mount another car. But it'd be cool.

352
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,840
On balance, I think Senna's
probably the best name

353
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,200
they could have come up with.

354
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,080
Right. Now, what else? What
more conversation have we got?

355
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,280
- I have some conversation.
- You have some conversation?

356
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,960
You know last week,
you were talking about

357
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,440
how you ended up
following a pigeon?

358
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,480
- How fast did you reckon it was going?
- Thirty-five?

359
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:04,720
Thirty-five, I think you said.

360
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,480
The other day, I was going
down a country lane

361
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,960
and I ended up following
a blackbird,

362
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,920
and that only does 28.

363
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,920
And that's interesting, cos that
means a blackbird, in level flight,

364
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,240
is slower than a pigeon.

365
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,560
What is wrong with you two?

366
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,880
Why are you following birds?

367
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,920
Why not follow Russian spies
or straying husbands?

368
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,920
No, listen, Hammond.
Pay attention.

369
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,760
- Oh, God.
- I did some research on this.

370
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,760
You know
the top speed of a pigeon,

371
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,600
if it really puts
its foot down, is 90,

372
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:29,880
in level flight.

373
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,400
- Ninety miles an hour!
- Ninety? That is amazing,

374
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,880
cos you wouldn't think a pigeon's
wings could shift enough air.

375
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,480
- No, I wouldn't think about it!
- No, no, stop!

376
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,960
You say that: a hummingbird
can fly faster than a goose.

377
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,880
- Can it?
- Even though it's like that.

378
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,320
- Nobody cares!
- They do!

379
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,640
Stop ranking birds!

380
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:47,800
What?

381
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,280
R-r-r-ranking.

382
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:54,360
Anyway, I think that the top speed
of birds is a new hit show.

383
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:55,600
And you and I can host it,

384
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:59,280
and you'll end up as Buttons
in panto in Swindon.

385
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,640
And then you'll shoot yourself

386
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,480
in a room
in a Premier Inn one night.

387
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,680
- Yeah.
- There'll only be one police car outside,

388
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,160
and it'll be a Vauxhall Astra.

389
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,360
That's your future!

390
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,080
Anyway, that is enough Conversation
Street this week, so let's move it on.

391
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,840
Thank you very much.

392
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,080
Now...
Now, as I'm sure you know,

393
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:23,000
trying to set a speed record
is very, very dangerous,

394
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,520
and especially if you try
to do it on water.

395
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,640
In fact, over the years,
and this is a true fact,

396
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,520
85% of everyone

397
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,760
who's tried to break
a speed record on water

398
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,640
has been killed in the process.

399
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,840
- Eighty-five percent!
- Yeah.

400
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,320
But that's not the sort
of figure that puts us off!

401
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:44,560
Exactly. Because there was
a 15% chance of surviving it,

402
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,560
we decided to try and break
the UK speed record

403
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,600
for amphibious vehicles.

404
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,760
Yeah, first, though,
we had to build a car

405
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,600
that could be driven legally
on the road,

406
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,240
but that would also go
very quickly on the water.

407
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,160
Mm. And how hard can that be?

408
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:03,600
Since we were trying to break

409
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,760
an amphibious speed record,

410
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,120
the obvious
starting point... was here.

411
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,680
At Huddersfield
International Airport.

412
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,600
Why are we at Huddersfield
International Airport?

413
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,000
Yeah, why aren't we at a lake?

414
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,960
Because I'm project leader,

415
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,600
and one of the many, many
things that I know

416
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,120
is that to go fast on water,

417
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,280
you have to have a lot of power.

418
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,080
To demonstrate
what I was on about,

419
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,240
I'd set up a test,

420
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,800
using the jet engine
from an RAF Nimrod.

421
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,080
- Did you build all this?
- Yes.

422
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,760
- Can I just ask...
- What?

423
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,480
...what is the current speed
record for amphibious vehicles?

424
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,560
Thirty-nine point one
miles an hour.

425
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,960
Well, isn't this
rather overkill?

426
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:01,480
Listen, Usain Bolt can run
at 27mph on land, OK?

427
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,320
If he were waist-deep in water,

428
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,120
he'd have a top speed
of about one.

429
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,080
Water's really sticky,
you need loads of power.

430
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:11,360
I've got a word in my head for all
this, and it's "impractical".

431
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,760
I've got a word, it's "shut up".

432
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:13,880
- All right.
- We're going.

433
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,760
- Is it loud?
- Very.

434
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,720
That's fired up.

435
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,720
That's gonna drive air
into the big engine.

436
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,480
We've gotta get those in the green.

437
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,480
I hate it
when you've got buttons.

438
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,440
I can't hear anything.

439
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,400
Ignitors on.

440
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,240
I'm gonna give it
some thrust now.

441
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,120
Gonna go up to 100% power.

442
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,320
You are a witless dodo!

443
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:37,080
Look at it!

444
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,120
Ah!

445
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,600
On the upside -
there is an upside here -

446
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,520
if it's capable of doing that,

447
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,560
imagine how fast
we're gonna go on the lake.

448
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,160
- You're a cretin.
- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

449
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,720
None of this is based on any
scientific reasoning whatsoever.

450
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,240
You say,
"It's got a lot of power."

451
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,720
"How much thrust has it got?"
"A lot!"

452
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,560
Look what it's done,
it's blown two aeroplanes over

453
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,040
and given us a massive bill...

454
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,760
Having proved
to my sceptical colleagues

455
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,640
that jet power
was the way forward,

456
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:11,120
we moved
to our technology centre.

457
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,680
Here, we would fuse together
this Russian jet...

458
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,160
...this speedboat...

459
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,000
...and this Suzuki Jimny,

460
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,400
and we'd end up with the
fastest amphibious vehicle

461
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,200
Britain had ever seen.

462
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,280
- We have an old Suzuki car.
- Yes.

463
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,200
A small, old, plastic boat
and a jet engine.

464
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,520
And you're suggesting that
somehow we unite them all

465
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,960
into some sort of symphony
of success and glory?

466
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:37,960
Yes.

467
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,200
This is the stupidest thing
I've ever been involved with.

468
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,560
It's idiotic.

469
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,520
Having convinced my
sceptical colleagues once more

470
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:50,160
that my plan was a good one,
we set to work.

471
00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:00,120
And soon, our amazing
creation was ready.

472
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,880
Right, as you can see, everyone,

473
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,760
this is fully road legal.

474
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,600
Lights, indicators,
number plate.

475
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,560
And a massive jet engine
just behind us.

476
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:31,720
Yes.

477
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,800
More of an issue, though,

478
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,240
was the passenger's seat layout.

479
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:37,360
I've gotta change gear,

480
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,400
and it's right where
your penis is.

481
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,480
I never want your hand that
near my gentleman's sausage!

482
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,640
What are these things
above our heads exactly?

483
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,400
These are the
stabilisation tanks, yeah?

484
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,160
When we go in the water, you lower
them down and they keep us afloat.

485
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,360
I've got that. I've got that
when we fitted them,

486
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,800
but what we're now discovering

487
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,840
is they make us more stable
on water,

488
00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,760
but a lot less on land!

489
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,560
James,
why are you being so quiet?

490
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,200
I'm waiting for it to fall over.

491
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,320
Whoa!

492
00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:09,400
Will you stop making
stupid, childish noises!

493
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,280
I think we've done
an incredible job,

494
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,600
and I think I've been
a remarkable project leader.

495
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,600
Why has no-one
thought to do this before?

496
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,480
It's so logical
when you look at it.

497
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,400
The car bit of it's working,
but it was already a car.

498
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,080
That's not much
of an achievement.

499
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,280
I'm gonna do a brake test.

500
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,120
Ah! Oh! Oh.

501
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:32,360
- What?
- Wait.

502
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:33,480
Is that that...

503
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,680
- Ooh!
- Oh!

504
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:35,840
Yeah.

505
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:40,680
Eventually,
we arrived at the lake.

506
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,400
For our first
high-speed test run.

507
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,240
And immediately,
Hammond chickened out.

508
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:55,040
Why aren't you wearing
a fire suit?

509
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,320
Um, jet engines
just aren't my thing.

510
00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,240
I'm gonna watch this
from the bank.

511
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:01,720
Are you really not coming in it?

512
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,280
No, I'm gonna watch--
I'm gonna be the observer.

513
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,800
Oof!

514
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,680
Oh. She's ready.

515
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,080
My big fear is, let's be modest

516
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:20,560
and let's say we reached 80.

517
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,360
So from here, we've got to
just use drag to slow us down

518
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:25,600
before we hit the far bank.

519
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,240
Well,
we have to think ahead, yes.

520
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,000
Start decelerating
when you pass that mid-point,

521
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,080
- you should be all right.
- I think he's right.

522
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:34,480
The middle
is the critical point.

523
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,160
Then just back off
the throttles.

524
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,960
- And then we'll use the drag of the pontoons to slow us down?
- Yeah.

525
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,560
OK.

526
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,920
Right.

527
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,160
Soon, James and I
were ready for the test,

528
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,000
and not at all nervous.

529
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:53,880
When we fire up the jet, this
Perspex that I put in here,

530
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,680
I put it in.

531
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,000
So what if that just goes?

532
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,480
You shouldn't have said that.

533
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,320
You know in Die Hard 2,

534
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:04,360
when the enormous soldier
is sucked into the engine?

535
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,120
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's like that.

536
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,480
It will be like that, won't it?

537
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:10,560
Ready?

538
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,520
We are going in.

539
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,560
Oh, I feel buoyancy.

540
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:23,320
I am proud of my two colleagues.

541
00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:26,360
This is... this is historic.

542
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,640
We are now
gonna fire up the jet engine.

543
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,760
Right. Put your thing on,
it's gonna be bloody loud.

544
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:31,880
- What thing?
- These things.

545
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:33,240
That's a good point.

546
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,840
- Right.
- Comms check, comms check.

547
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,960
Dials are engaged.

548
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,120
This is the speedometer.

549
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,080
OK, we've got ignitor on,
bilge pump off,

550
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,200
throttle set at idle.

551
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,480
- Go.
- Starting jet.

552
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,240
Holy shit!

553
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,480
It's going...
Don't look at it!

554
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:53,320
Don't look
in the rear-view mirror.

555
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:06,280
Oh, this is phenomenal!

556
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,080
Taking up the power now.
Fifty percent.

557
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:11,640
Is that 50%?

558
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,640
Yeah, that's about 50,
but 70 is 100.

559
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,480
What do you mean, "70 is 100"?

560
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,560
I couldn't find a dial that
exactly matched the revs,

561
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:23,200
so 70 on here is 100% thrust.

562
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,480
I'm going full power.
Here we go.

563
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,720
Hold tight. You wanna hold
on to something, seriously.

564
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:32,080
Right, go.

565
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,840
That's 100% thrust.

566
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:57,960
Right, well, we're doing 2mph.

567
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,440
Come on!

568
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,640
We're doing three!

569
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:04,720
Why is it so slow?

570
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,520
I mean, that jet
is from a Russian fighter!

571
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,480
That is capable of keeping
a Russian fighter in the air.

572
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,120
Why won't it make us
go more than three?

573
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,160
In the air,
that's the point - the air!

574
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,160
Hammond is keeping up with us.

575
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:23,960
That's it?

576
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,920
Come on!

577
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,360
- Can I just say something?
- We're sinking.

578
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,280
No, my half is sinking.

579
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,680
Oh, God! We really do need...
I'm gonna go in to shore.

580
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,560
I don't think they needed
the neck braces in the end.

581
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,960
And throttle back.

582
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:54,920
- Speed?
- Three.

583
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,440
- Three?
- Yeah, it does three.

584
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,080
That's your top speed,
it's three?

585
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,720
You could row at 3mph.

586
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,880
On the upside, and there is one,

587
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,280
neither of us were killed.

588
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:09,680
And that's an upside?

589
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:11,800
No, the issue at hand is...

590
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,360
- It doesn't work.
- Yes.

591
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,080
Why doesn't it work?

592
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,320
Well, it's mainly to do with
the shape of the car,

593
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,800
the shape of the sawn-up bits
of tatty old boat

594
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,360
that you've Blu-Tacked to it.

595
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:23,960
The drag of the pontoons,

596
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,400
the size and power
and position of the engine,

597
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:27,880
the amount of fuel it will run,

598
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:29,240
the basic physics.

599
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,240
The fact that water is
750 times as dense as air...

600
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:38,400
It was time to go back
to the drawing board.

601
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:42,280
And this time, we gave Jeremy
a job he could actually do.

602
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,760
Now, this is the car that
currently holds the record

603
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,560
for amphibious vehicles.

604
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,520
It's the Gibbs Humdinga,

605
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,080
and, as you can see,
it is not an ancient Suzuki

606
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,200
with an old Russian
jet engine on the back.

607
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:59,080
No, it's a light, plastic car
with a hull,

608
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,240
and, as you can see,
retractable wheels.

609
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,840
Exactly. And that's why
we have chosen,

610
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:08,360
as the basis for our project,
this.

611
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:19,480
Which is a Reliant Robin
in a 1970s leisure suit.

612
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,600
No, it is a Bond Bug:

613
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,480
one of the coolest cars
from the '70s.

614
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:28,080
And I can see why you chose
this particular one, Hammond.

615
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,560
It's got your name on it.

616
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,520
Shut up. The only reason these
things never really caught on

617
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,640
was because nobody thought
of making them amphibious.

618
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:38,000
Yes, but we have, you see.

619
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:41,560
So we're gonna fit it with retractable
wheels, same as the Gibbs,

620
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,680
and we're gonna use the
engine from one of these.

621
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,080
- A jet engine.
- Yes. Sort of, but different.

622
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:47,200
It's my idea.

623
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,000
The jet engine
was not your idea.

624
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,720
No, the jet engine
isn't my idea,

625
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,440
but the idea of making
an amphibious car

626
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,400
using a jet engine was my idea.

627
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,880
This is a water jet,
it's different.

628
00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:58,600
And anyway, this is genius,

629
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,560
because you can rent
one of these

630
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:02,040
from pretty much
any beach in the world,

631
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,960
that will do 50mph
out of the box.

632
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,000
- This one will do 67.
- It will. Exactly.

633
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:06,960
Well, that's plenty.

634
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:08,840
So, all we've gotta do
is incorporate this

635
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:11,120
into the roadworthy shell
of the Bond Bug,

636
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:15,600
and we've got a very fast car and a
very fast boat in the same thing.

637
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,480
Which is exactly
what I was doing.

638
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,440
At this point,
we sent Jeremy home

639
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:24,040
and set to work
on building our masterpiece.

640
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,400
I don't know
why you're applauding.

641
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,480
They know nothing about boats.

642
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,920
Absolutely nothing.

643
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,200
Old planes? Yes.
Helicopters? Yes.

644
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,240
Old motorcycles? A lot.
But boats? Nothing!

645
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:50,640
But, we shall see what
they came up with later on.

646
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,440
Now, though, it is time
for Celebrity Face-Off.

647
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,000
It's a simple question
this week.

648
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,960
Who is the world's
fastest magician?

649
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,080
To find out, would you please
welcome Dynamo,

650
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,800
and Penn and
his silent partner, Teller.

651
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:22,320
Amazing!

652
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,120
I'm already amazed!

653
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,880
I've gotta be honest, magic is my
favourite thing in the entire world.

654
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,040
Apart from boating
in the south of France.

655
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,640
But we must begin with cars,
obviously.

656
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,720
This being a car show,
occasionally.

657
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:37,080
You both started with 4x4s,
as far as I can work out,

658
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:38,560
or they have featured
in your life.

659
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,320
You are a G-Wagen man, yeah?

660
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:42,480
Yeah, yeah.

661
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,040
So, at the beginning, when my
TV show got a bit of success,

662
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,720
Mercedes came and they
would give me cars to drive.

663
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,000
But then,
I did a commercial with Fiat,

664
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,720
and Mercedes weren't
too happy about that.

665
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,520
I used some of the money
from Fiat to...

666
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,480
I still love the G-Wagen,
so I bought one.

667
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,440
So, you used Fiat money
to buy a Mercedes?

668
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,760
- Yeah.
- That is quite good. But you had a Ford Bronco.

669
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:08,240
But only because
I watched OJ do the...

670
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,200
And I said, "He's kind of a big guy.

671
00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:12,480
Maybe I'd fit in that car."

672
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:16,160
And I got the whole thing,
and it was all too masculine,

673
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,440
so I painted it stripper pink
for Vegas.

674
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,720
When you're driving to work, do
they think you're a stripper?

675
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:22,880
I hope so.

676
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,040
Didn't you have a Ford Falcon
at some stage?

677
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:28,880
Well, when I was
in high school...

678
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,680
I'm from a rural area.

679
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:34,280
...my mother gave me her car,
which was a Ford Falcon.

680
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:38,360
But for me, that was just a place
to have sex in high school.

681
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,600
And then
you started touring together.

682
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,640
- Mm-hm.
- So you presumably needed some kind of tour...

683
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:44,880
You know, we're carny trash.

684
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,280
We did carnivals and outdoor
shows and all of that.

685
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,080
We're the worst kind of people.

686
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,880
And we had to drive all over
the United States of America.

687
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,360
So, we went to an auction place

688
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,160
and bought a Datsun 210
station wagon,

689
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,960
with the back seat down, and then our
trunks in there with all our stuff.

690
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,960
We were so terrified
of having our props stolen,

691
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,520
that we had a magnetic sign
we put on the side

692
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,880
that said, "Atlanta Centre
for Disease Control

693
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:11,840
Specimen Transfer Unit."

694
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,720
We put that on the side, with
the big boxes in the back,

695
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:16,200
and that worked really well,

696
00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:18,200
until the sign was stolen.

697
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:21,080
I wanna talk about cars,

698
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,240
but who would rather here
see some magic?

699
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:24,880
Yes!

700
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,440
I know
we're supposed to do cars.

701
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,840
Would you mind awfully
if you now do some?

702
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:30,880
Have you actually--
You've brought something with you?

703
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:32,240
I'm gonna try something
with you.

704
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,040
Just hold your hands out for me.

705
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:36,400
- What, both?
- Both, like this.

706
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:37,880
- Like that?
- A little bit wider.

707
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:39,480
Are you left or right-handed?

708
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,840
Right-handed. Unless
we're talking about shooting.

709
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:43,640
- Close it in a fist.
- Like that? That one?

710
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,440
Yeah, then turn
this left one over.

711
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,960
I'm gonna put a little cross
right there.

712
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,440
Can you show that to everyone?

713
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,640
- Show the cross to everybody.
- I've got a cross there.

714
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:53,960
Let's have a look.

715
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,760
So, make sure it's dry.

716
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,360
It's Sharpie,
so it shouldn't come off.

717
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:58,520
Yeah, it's still there.

718
00:36:58,560 --> 00:36:59,760
The idea...

719
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:01,840
...is to make it...

720
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:04,800
...disappear from there...

721
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,560
If it's in this hand now,
I'm going to be...

722
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,600
sake!

723
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:15,640
How is that?

724
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,320
Go on, do another one. Who'd
like to see another one?

725
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:27,640
Yes!

726
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,320
- Come on, what have you got?
- Have you got a piece of paper there?

727
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,000
Er, yes.

728
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:33,720
I've got a pen here.

729
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:37,200
I'm just gonna just do
some markings for you.

730
00:37:37,240 --> 00:37:38,320
We'll start here.

731
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:39,480
Take the pen.

732
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:40,920
- Take the pen.
- Yeah.

733
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,880
Give me a number
from, say, one to ten.

734
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:45,120
Nine.

735
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:46,560
Nine. Write it down.

736
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:47,840
- Nine.
- Great.

737
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:49,600
We'll go for, let's see,

738
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,360
the lady right there
with the glasses.

739
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:56,160
Yeah. I need another number,
from 9 to 19.

740
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:57,880
Er, 11.

741
00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,240
- Eleven.
- I think it was a man.

742
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:00,960
That's a bit embarrassing.

743
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,800
We may be
in a world of trouble here.

744
00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:13,080
Let's move it on, quickly!

745
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:14,200
Yes.

746
00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:15,880
- Richard!
- Yes?

747
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,360
A number from 11 to 21.

748
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:19,840
Nineteen.

749
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,880
- Are you sure?
- Yes.

750
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,560
- Nineteen, write it down.
- There, yeah?

751
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:24,800
Perfect. Yes

752
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,120
Uh, we'll go for this guy
here in the blue jacket.

753
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:29,920
- How you doing?
- Actually, that's a woman.

754
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,520
It's so hard to tell.

755
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,840
A number from 19 to 29, please.

756
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,520
27.

757
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:44,960
Twenty-seven, write that down.

758
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:46,960
Gilles Villeneuve's old number.

759
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:51,080
We'll go for this gentleman right
here with a white t-shirt.

760
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,760
- The gender-fluid gentleman.
- Yes. Yes!

761
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,480
A number from 27 to 37.

762
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:57,680
Thirty-three.

763
00:38:57,720 --> 00:38:59,000
Thirty-three, write that down.

764
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,480
Finally, the lady at the end
with the long hair.

765
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:04,680
Can we have a number
between 33 and 49?

766
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:06,840
- Forty-two.
- Forty-two.

767
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:10,720
So, nine, 11, 19, 27, 33 and 42.

768
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,640
These are the numbers
we randomly generated today.

769
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:15,200
A couple of years ago,

770
00:39:15,240 --> 00:39:17,320
I picked six numbers myself.

771
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:18,680
They're like my lucky numbers,

772
00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:21,200
and I went to a shop and
I bought a lottery ticket.

773
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:22,520
And I won.

774
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,600
Only a tenner, but, you know,
I won something.

775
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,080
And I actually keep
that ticket in my wallet.

776
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,520
- There we go.
- No, no, no. No!

777
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,920
Keep it in my wallet
for good luck.

778
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:35,200
Where's the camera?

779
00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:36,640
Can you see that?

780
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:38,920
There's one ticket there.

781
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,680
- This is a lottery ticket?
- I think you'll find the numbers quite interesting,

782
00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:43,240
if you wanna read them out loud.

783
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,680
So, you...

784
00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:47,640
I'll need my glasses
on a lottery ticket.

785
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:49,800
So, let's just...

786
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:51,600
- What was the first number?
- Nine.

787
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:52,760
Nine, right there.

788
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:53,920
- Eleven.
- Eleven.

789
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,560
- Nineteen.
- Nineteen for Richard.

790
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,360
- Twenty-seven.
- Twenty-seven.

791
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,160
- Thirty-three.
- Thirty-three.

792
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:00,800
- The last one?
- Forty-two.

793
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:13,080
That's actually a lottery
ticket. It is a lott...

794
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,320
I'm...
Well, I'm staggered.

795
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,600
But anyway, look,
we haven't finished yet.

796
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,120
Shall we see
what the Americans can do?

797
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,920
- Yes!
- Come on, you two, let's have a look. What have you got?

798
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,640
Well, you know,
I was asking Dynamo,

799
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:27,360
you're a member
of the Magic Circle, right?

800
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:28,600
- Yeah.
- We are not.

801
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,280
Teller and I have a reputation,

802
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,560
not ill-deserved, for
giving away magic secrets.

803
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,200
You do. You always say
how your tricks work.

804
00:40:35,240 --> 00:40:37,520
We have done that, so they
will not let us be members.

805
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:38,680
So that got us thinking.

806
00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:42,280
Could we do a trick that
would fool the Magic Circle,

807
00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:43,920
while giving away...

808
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:46,920
...all the very principles
we've given away?

809
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,840
And the first thing we gave
away, in 1985, way back then,

810
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,600
we're on
the David Letterman programme,

811
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,440
and gave away the idea
of fake blindfolds

812
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:55,920
that are used by magicians.

813
00:40:55,960 --> 00:41:00,480
We said, "Every blindfold used by a
magician is fake," which we've stood by.

814
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,880
We're gonna have a blindfold that
can't be faked, which is-- Dynamo.

815
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,160
Teller's gonna stand up here,

816
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:08,280
and, Dynamo, just make sure
that Teller can't see.

817
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:11,480
Come over there and
just make sure that Teller...

818
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,560
Not permanently, but just for now.

819
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,840
Just put your hands right over
his eyes there so he can't see.

820
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,480
No need to be gentle,
it's not me.

821
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,280
- Cool, cool.
- All you've gotta do is make sure he can't see.

822
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:23,640
How many fingers
am I holding up?

823
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,080
Now, we've been accused

824
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,880
of giving away the idea
of marked cards.

825
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,480
Marked cards are very hard to...

826
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:33,160
Even professional gamblers

827
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:34,600
sometimes can't determine
if they're marked.

828
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,360
But Dynamo's gonna
make sure they're not marked.

829
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,000
The cards will be dealt face-down
in Teller's right hand.

830
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,040
If the cards were marked,
which they're not,

831
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:42,160
Teller would have to see,

832
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:43,920
and Dynamo's
making sure he can't see.

833
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,760
- He can't see.
- The other thing we gave away

834
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,000
was on the Johnny Carson
programme.

835
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,520
We gave away
the idea of a card force:

836
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,360
that it's easy to do a trick

837
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,400
if you know in advance
what card's gonna be picked.

838
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:57,360
And one of the ways you can
do a force like that, Jeremy,

839
00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:00,680
is to have all the cards
be the same.

840
00:42:00,720 --> 00:42:02,040
- Yeah.
- Then just have a card selected,

841
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:03,800
where you know what's
it's gonna be.

842
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,200
- Stand up for a second, Jeremy.
- Yeah, I can become vertical.

843
00:42:06,240 --> 00:42:08,280
I want you to make sure
you look over these,

844
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,200
and make sure
they are not all the same.

845
00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:13,360
- I'll try to fan them all out.
- No, that's a pack of cards.

846
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:14,520
Yeah, it's a pack of cards.

847
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,360
Now, another way
you can do a card force

848
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:18,800
is you can use sleight of hand

849
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,680
to force the bottom card
or the top card,

850
00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:22,080
or even a card in the middle.

851
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,120
I'm gonna eliminate sleight
of hand by using your hands.

852
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:25,960
OK?

853
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,280
So, I'm gonna give you
most of the deck right there.

854
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:30,480
And I'm gonna...

855
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,160
Just fan them out like this.
Fan them out.

856
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,360
Don't let me see,
but just think of one.

857
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,560
Don't even point to it,
don't cut to it.

858
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,640
Just look over all the cards.
You have most of the deck.

859
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,560
And then just think of one card.

860
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:41,880
Don't look at it,
just think of it.

861
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:43,720
Then close them up so I can't
see what you're doing.

862
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:45,640
And then give those cards
a good shuffle.

863
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,280
Or give them
that kind of shuffle.

864
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:48,560
Good. That's good.

865
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,920
But face-down so I can't tell
what you're shuffling.

866
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:52,680
- So you've thought of one card?
- Mm-hm.

867
00:42:52,720 --> 00:42:56,040
- You have no idea where it is in the deck? Is that right?
- No. No.

868
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:59,320
Now, magicians often
want you to misremember

869
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:00,680
the sequence of events.

870
00:43:00,720 --> 00:43:02,800
We want you to very much
remember the sequence.

871
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:04,920
The card is only
in your head, is that right?

872
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:06,320
- Yeah.
- It's nowhere else?

873
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,200
- Nowhere else.
- The cards are all mixed up, you have no idea where it is.

874
00:43:09,240 --> 00:43:10,920
Now, I'm gonna put these
in your hand.

875
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,200
Now, the order of these will
not change. It will not change.

876
00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:14,400
I'm not gonna touch them again.

877
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:15,680
I will no touch them again, OK?

878
00:43:15,720 --> 00:43:18,120
Now that my hands are off,
and I won't touch them again,

879
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:19,320
what was the name of the card?

880
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:20,440
- King of Hearts.
- OK.

881
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:23,520
Now, you're gonna go over there and you're
gonna deal the cards, one at a time,

882
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,000
from the top, face-down,
to Teller's right hand, OK?

883
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:27,760
- Into his hand?
- Into his right hand.

884
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,120
Face-down?
- Yeah.

885
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:30,600
Dynamo, make sure he can't see.

886
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:31,760
He can't see nothing.

887
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:36,880
See, we are just being
whipping boys again, Dynamo,

888
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,720
us English.

889
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,800
- OK, Dynamo, was he able to see, even for a moment?
- Nothing.

890
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:52,960
- Jeremy, what was the name of your card?
- King of Hearts.

891
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,240
Look at the next card.

892
00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:58,600
- Oh, for Christ's sake.
- Thought of card out of a shuffled deck.

893
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:04,600
Well...

894
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:12,200
You came here, of course,
to do your laps.

895
00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:15,560
And, as we can see,
in the rapidly fading light,

896
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,280
the weather
has not been clement.

897
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,640
In fact, when we arrived
at the track this morning,

898
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:21,000
it looked like this.

899
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:23,000
And then...
You can see the problem.

900
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,280
That bit, you can sort of see
where the track goes.

901
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,440
But if we've got another shot-- I think
we've got a moving shot.

902
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:30,160
Now, somewhere in there
is a racetrack.

903
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,560
Which makes it quite tricky,
I should imagine,

904
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:34,680
to see where you were going.

905
00:44:34,720 --> 00:44:35,960
- You did it first, didn't you?
- Yeah.

906
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:39,760
And there was a particularly fine
moment, I have to say, on the...

907
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,720
It's supposed to be a flat-out
corner when it's dry,

908
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:44,240
but it really wasn't.

909
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,200
The weather was improving,
it was thawing.

910
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:49,000
And it all went, really,
brilliantly wrong.

911
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:52,520
Who'd like to see Dynamo
going round in a few circles?

912
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,120
- Yeah, we all wanna see that?
- Yes!

913
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:55,320
Let's have a look at this.

914
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:56,680
This is a flat-out corner,

915
00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:58,720
and then
you just can see it's going,

916
00:44:58,760 --> 00:44:59,920
and then...

917
00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:03,040
That's a properly big
slide-off, that one is.

918
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,400
Round of applause for that,
though.

919
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:06,960
We like that.

920
00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:10,960
- Was that scary?
- No, it was well fun!

921
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,840
I was like, "I could have
done this all day,

922
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,000
it's so much fun."

923
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,480
Who'd like to see the lap
that eventually resulted?

924
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,520
- Yes!
- Let's have a look.

925
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,000
Dynamo's lap, here it comes.

926
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:21,520
Thawed out.

927
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:24,320
A nice, smooth, quiet start.
And he's away.

928
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,280
Right, let's do this!

929
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:27,680
OK, that's...

930
00:45:27,720 --> 00:45:29,080
Ooh, that's quick through...

931
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,160
Oh! Yes, that's cutting
that corner, but nicely done.

932
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:33,560
Nicely held.

933
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:38,280
And now we go on to what
is normally gravel, but...

934
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:41,040
What does it look like now?
It's just mud and slush.

935
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:42,320
God, that looks tricky!

936
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:43,640
But you're keeping it...

937
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,440
Ooh, a bit wide through
there, but not bad at all.

938
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:49,720
Again, not bad.

939
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,480
Not fast, but...

940
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:54,800
I don't think I'm on
the track any more, guys.

941
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,200
No, it's still brown...

942
00:45:57,240 --> 00:46:00,680
No, that is a James May cornering
speed through that one.

943
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:02,480
Is the car putting
traction down all right?

944
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,560
No, it was all over the place!

945
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:06,920
No, that's nice.

946
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:08,920
Yeah, splashing through
the last bit.

947
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:10,440
Difficult Bit 2 as we call it.

948
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:11,760
It's driving on water, this is.

949
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:14,080
It is, yeah.
It's almost Jesus-esque.

950
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,800
And then now we get
back onto the tarmac.

951
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,480
Ooh, I say, that was tonnes
of front-end grip there

952
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,160
all of a sudden.

953
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:22,760
And look at the way
the front's turning in.

954
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,080
That's unbelievable!

955
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:27,600
Now, we go onto the
really fast bit, ordinarily.

956
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:30,040
Come on, then. Here we go.

957
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:33,200
This is where
you lost it in the practice.

958
00:46:33,240 --> 00:46:34,680
But you haven't lost it
this time.

959
00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:37,480
That front is suddenly
sticking really well!

960
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,760
Coming up to the last corner.

961
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,120
And a little bit of understeer
through there, but nicely tamed.

962
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:45,360
And there we are,
across the line, everybody!

963
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,520
Nicely done. Not easy.

964
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,360
Not easy.

965
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:57,240
Now then, after you'd had
a go, it was your turn.

966
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,000
- Yes.
- Did you enjoy yourself?

967
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:02,160
I had a very good time, yeah. And I had
Teller as a passenger, which was helpful.

968
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,720
Oh, that would help!
Balance it out nicely.

969
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:06,080
Sure.

970
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:07,680
You also had a moment,
shall we say.

971
00:47:07,720 --> 00:47:09,360
I did. I did, yeah.

972
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:10,840
Would anybody like to see
this moment?

973
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,640
- Yes!
- Let's have a look.

974
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:14,600
This is quick
coming into the last corner.

975
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:15,800
That's understeer.

976
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,640
Oh, somebody's been off there
already,

977
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:20,320
you can see the tyre marks,
but not as far you went.

978
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:21,680
That is impressive.

979
00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:25,040
That's the furthest anybody's
been off that track,

980
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:25,960
by a long way.

981
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,360
You're definitely winning that, so far.
Definitely.

982
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,720
Furthest off the track,
I got that.

983
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:34,200
- But then you got a lap together, both of you.
- I did.

984
00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:36,360
Let's have a look at this lap.

985
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,600
Yeah, another nice, tidy start.

986
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:41,400
Roaring off
down to the first corner.

987
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:43,920
So, we're going, Teller.
Can you feel that?

988
00:47:45,240 --> 00:47:46,960
It's not at all scary in there.

989
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:49,720
Right, that's tidily done
through there,

990
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,120
keeping it really on the island,

991
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,360
unlike Dynamo,
who was a bit mad.

992
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:55,000
And onto the gravel.

993
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:56,400
Well, the mud.
Well, the slush.

994
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:57,760
Whatever you wanna call it.

995
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:00,560
Ahhh!

996
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:03,160
I'm going quickly there.

997
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:04,520
Oh-hoo-hoo!

998
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,640
- That was well held there.
- Thank you.

999
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:08,280
That's nice driving.

1000
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,200
I'm under control.
Shut up, Teller! I got it!

1001
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:13,680
Is he putting you off?

1002
00:48:13,720 --> 00:48:14,800
Now, this is...

1003
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,160
Sometimes, when it appears
to be slow, it's fast,

1004
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:20,560
and sometimes, when
it looks fast, it's slow.

1005
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,280
This is looking fast,
I'm gonna be honest,

1006
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:24,840
but there's a lot
of sideways action,

1007
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:27,280
which, of course,
isn't forward motion,

1008
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,080
- which is a problem.
- But it looks really good.

1009
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:32,480
It looks tremendous.
This is great television.

1010
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:38,480
And you can hear the bark
of the two-litre there

1011
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:39,720
as you hit the straight.

1012
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:41,120
- We're going!
- Ahh!

1013
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,280
- Now! Boom!
- Oh!

1014
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:45,480
And coming up to the...

1015
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:47,880
This is the corner-not
this one, but the next one,

1016
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:49,920
that caught you out practising.

1017
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:52,160
Ooh, you're trying to get
a Scandi flick going there,

1018
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:53,520
but a bit too soon.

1019
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:54,640
Understeer again,

1020
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:56,240
but you've held it this time.

1021
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,320
And there we are, yeah,
across the line, everybody!

1022
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:10,680
Right, I have the times here.

1023
00:49:10,720 --> 00:49:11,800
OK.

1024
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,560
We'll start with you, Dynamo.

1025
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:18,560
One thirty-nine point three.

1026
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,000
- That's all right
- That's really slow.

1027
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,480
But you've got the snow symbol.

1028
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:30,640
So far, you're
the fastest person ever

1029
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,680
to go round our track
in the snow.

1030
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:36,600
But are you faster
than Penn and Teller?

1031
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,880
There's actually
excitement here, isn't there?

1032
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:40,600
- Yeah.
- There's nervousness.

1033
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,120
You did it in one...

1034
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:44,640
...thirty...

1035
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:48,360
...three point eight.

1036
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:53,880
Bad boy.

1037
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:58,240
Commiserations.
Commiserations.

1038
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,360
Congratulations, gentlemen.
Congratulations.

1039
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,800
That was fantastic!

1040
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:04,440
And thank you so much,
all of you,

1041
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:06,440
for coming along
and doing all this magic.

1042
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:08,520
But we must now say goodbye
to Dynamo

1043
00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:12,080
and the world's fastest
magicians, Penn and Teller!

1044
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:14,800
World's fastest magicians!

1045
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:23,800
Now, tonight,
we are attempting to break

1046
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:27,160
the British water speed
record for amphibious cars.

1047
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,760
Now, earlier on, Jeremy
had a go at making something,

1048
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,400
and his effort
was, frankly, terrible.

1049
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:33,720
- No, it wasn't.
- It was.

1050
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:36,400
Yeah, so, Hammond and I
took control of the project,

1051
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:40,040
and what we decided to do was
take a 1970s three-wheeler

1052
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,080
with a removable roof,
called a Bond Bug...

1053
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:43,200
Here's a picture of it.

1054
00:50:43,240 --> 00:50:45,600
...and mate that with a jet ski,

1055
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:49,200
to create something that we
had christened the Pond Bug.

1056
00:50:49,240 --> 00:50:51,080
And then, when it was finished,

1057
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:52,560
take it to the Lake District,

1058
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:56,680
and something called
Coniston Speed Week.

1059
00:50:58,240 --> 00:51:00,880
Over the decades,
many fearless daredevils

1060
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:04,240
have powered across this
five-mile stretch of water,

1061
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,920
in the pursuit of new records.

1062
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,240
One was the legendary
Donald Campbell.

1063
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:18,720
Who was killed here in 1967,

1064
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:22,800
whilst trying to break
the 300mph barrier.

1065
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:34,560
Today, in Speed Week, that
spirit of adventure lives on,

1066
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,520
as people
from all over the world

1067
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:39,080
come to push their boats,
their engines,

1068
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:42,080
and themselves
to the absolute limit.

1069
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:45,240
This was speed heaven,

1070
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:48,880
and I felt sure
our fully road legal Pond Bug

1071
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:51,040
would blend in perfectly.

1072
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:14,560
Morning!

1073
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:22,560
Look at all this!

1074
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:29,760
Having parked up, I went off
to find Hammond and Clarkson,

1075
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:33,000
who reckoned he'd come up
with something better.

1076
00:52:37,240 --> 00:52:38,560
Are you ready?

1077
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:40,600
You're gonna not believe this.

1078
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:41,800
OK.

1079
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:44,520
Behold my genius!

1080
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:47,160
Oh, hello!

1081
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:51,280
Oh, yeah!

1082
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:54,920
That is actually
quite surprising.

1083
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,760
So, the tracks drop
down when you're near land.

1084
00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:59,960
Oh, very clever!

1085
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:02,560
I mean, I'm sorry...

1086
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:04,240
I'm gonna stand back
a little bit.

1087
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:08,280
...have I, or have I not
created something brilliant?

1088
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:10,280
- No.
- You didn't build it.

1089
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:12,120
And it's very cool,
but you can't use it.

1090
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:14,200
- Why not?
- Because it's not road legal!

1091
00:53:14,240 --> 00:53:15,520
Well, put a number plate on it.

1092
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,800
It's not an amphibious car,
it's a boat.

1093
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:19,480
That's a boat with legs on it.

1094
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:21,760
It's not eligible
for what we're doing.

1095
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:24,000
- Well, where's your car?
- Ah!

1096
00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:32,280
- What do you think?
- Oh, yeah!

1097
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:34,880
Look at it!

1098
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:37,040
That is a quality job.

1099
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:38,840
Why are you pulling that face?

1100
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:41,040
It's the stupidest thing
I've ever seen in my life.

1101
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,200
It's the coolest thing
that has ever been!

1102
00:53:43,240 --> 00:53:45,240
- Look at it!
- What are they?

1103
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,400
- These are the doors.
- Yes, undercarriage doors.

1104
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:48,520
What doors?

1105
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:49,800
You retract the undercarriage.

1106
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,840
The front wheel goes up,
then these doors shut,

1107
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,000
you've got a smooth hull.

1108
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,760
So those...
What do the back wheels do?

1109
00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:58,680
What about the chine?

1110
00:53:58,720 --> 00:54:00,480
What do you mean,
"What about the chine"?

1111
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:02,000
Look at the chine at the back.

1112
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,800
This is to attempt
a water speed record.

1113
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:08,560
- I know!
- This is what you need for a high-speed run,

1114
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:10,800
a smooth, rounded chine.

1115
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:14,120
When this is up here,
it's sharp.

1116
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:16,760
So, as you're going along,
you catch that,

1117
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:18,480
and it's gonna go.

1118
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,640
We had to make it fit round the wheel,
otherwise it wouldn't work on the road.

1119
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:22,920
You could have made it round!

1120
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:25,880
That was a difficult fabrication job.
It was much easier to do it like that.

1121
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:28,000
I'm sure it's easier, but
you've created a death trap!

1122
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:31,640
Weight. Keep the nose down.

1123
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:33,640
- I know what it's for.
- Well, there you go then.

1124
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,360
Isn't this thing
just gonna porpoise?

1125
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,400
- We don't know.
- No. Probably.

1126
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:39,920
Anyone who gets in that

1127
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:42,440
- is effectively committing suicide.
- No, they're not!

1128
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:46,160
Anyone who gets in that is gonna look the
coolest person here, that's fact one.

1129
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:48,440
Which one of
you two's driving it?

1130
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:49,800
Now, that's interesting,
because...

1131
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:52,040
We've had a think about that.
It's gotta be somebody

1132
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:53,840
with a speedboat,
powerboat racing licence.

1133
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:55,880
- Yes. Have you got one of those?
- I haven't got one.

1134
00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:59,640
I haven't got one. Do I know
anybody who does have one?

1135
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:00,960
Yes, I do have a racing licence.

1136
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:03,440
- Well, there you go, then.
- And here is your racing boat.

1137
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:06,360
Look what we've built for you.

1138
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:09,040
- I am not getting in that.
- Yes, you are.

1139
00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:10,440
No, I'm not doing...

1140
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:12,640
- No!
- Well, you have to.

1141
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:15,800
- You have to.
- I am not.

1142
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:18,160
And with that, back to the tent.

1143
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,920
- This is broken.
- No, line it up with the...

1144
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:24,520
It is broken,
otherwise it would...

1145
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,040
You've used a removable
steering wheel before.

1146
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:28,360
Line up the...
There you go!

1147
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,600
I've mended it.

1148
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:32,760
Knowing that 85% of people

1149
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,120
who attempt speed records
are killed,

1150
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,720
and that the boat had been
designed by imbeciles,

1151
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:42,280
I was fervently hoping that it
would, at least, be easy to operate.

1152
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,280
However...

1153
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:48,640
You have to drive it into the water first.
It's still in road mode.

1154
00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:51,360
And you do that using this.
That just teases it in.

1155
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,160
A little push, a little push,
and it goes in.

1156
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:56,600
Once you're in the water, you
have to retract the wheels,

1157
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,960
and then you disengage
the fan and the clutch.

1158
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:01,920
Then you have to close
the nose wheel doors...

1159
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:04,080
If you push it down once,
you're in neutral.

1160
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:06,600
You'll still rotate round, cos
the jet's still running...

1161
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:09,560
Push it up, you'll see the current
will flow on the ammeter.

1162
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:10,920
When you get a current surge...

1163
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:12,160
Jet thrust trim is here,

1164
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:13,800
and it will appear
on your screen here...

1165
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:15,280
Hold that, and that goes...

1166
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:17,520
This one,
you pull it fully back.

1167
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:22,720
If you knew, and you
obviously did know all along,

1168
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:24,400
that I was gonna be
driving this,

1169
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:26,280
why have you made this thing
so complicated?

1170
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:29,320
- That's not complicated.
- We've simplified it.

1171
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,200
These instruments
are from the jet ski.

1172
00:56:31,240 --> 00:56:33,000
Comforting.

1173
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:34,800
Comforting.
When you're on holiday,

1174
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,160
you've looked at those
and thought,

1175
00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:37,440
"I'm having a lovely time."

1176
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:39,400
That's what you're doing today.
The water will be colder.

1177
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:42,640
- Why don't you take the checklist with you?
- Because it will blow...

1178
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:45,040
- It tells you the things you've got to do.
- It's so easy!

1179
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:46,760
We've spent hours on that!

1180
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:48,560
The thing to remember
is that it's...

1181
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,320
Thirty-nine miles an hour
is really fast.

1182
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:52,080
- It is quite fast.
- It is really fast.

1183
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:54,840
But if you do 40, then
you're a world record holder.

1184
00:56:54,880 --> 00:56:57,480
- Step out of here...
- Not world. It's a British record.

1185
00:56:57,520 --> 00:57:00,600
- What better record to break?
- What other sort of record would you want?

1186
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:06,520
To set a speed record,

1187
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:09,560
you have to drive past the
start line marker buoys.

1188
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:14,960
You're then timed
over a kilometre,

1189
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:16,640
after which, you turn round...

1190
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,320
...and do exactly the same thing

1191
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,040
in the opposite direction.

1192
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:28,120
Your result is an average speed
taken from the two runs.

1193
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:33,960
It all sounded very terrifying.

1194
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:41,240
Please sink like a stone.
Please sink!

1195
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:44,160
Sink! Sink!

1196
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:47,160
No, it isn't. Damn it!

1197
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:50,000
- It looks good.
- It looks brilliant!

1198
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:51,720
We have every faith in you.

1199
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:53,360
- We don't have every faith.
- No.

1200
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,600
No faith.

1201
00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:56,760
Wheels!

1202
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:58,120
Wheels coming up.

1203
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:04,280
It was now time
for the checklist.

1204
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,680
What do I do with the clutch?
I've forgotten that.

1205
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:09,840
Doors.
Doors. Is that right?

1206
00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:12,400
How do I get it out...
Wait a minute. Right, bilge.

1207
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:13,800
No, that's bilge,
that's not right.

1208
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:15,080
No, it's just...

1209
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:16,720
Oh, this is terrible!

1210
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:18,800
Hammond! May! You idiots!

1211
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:20,720
Why is he just
going round and round?

1212
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:22,560
Is there a record
for going round and round?

1213
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:25,840
Don't know, but if
there is, it's in the bag.

1214
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,360
Right. I think we need to go to a
better viewing position to see his run.

1215
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:30,200
Let's go over there.

1216
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:32,520
With the ridiculous
checklist completed,

1217
00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:34,240
I had to get some speed up,

1218
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:37,240
so I could cross
the start line at full chat.

1219
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,320
Visor down.

1220
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:46,880
It's on the plain now.
We're on the plain.

1221
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:49,760
It's very spray-y.

1222
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:53,640
It's a badly-designed hull.

1223
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:56,320
But the hull
was the least of my problems.

1224
00:58:56,360 --> 00:58:58,320
Jesus Christ! This steering!

1225
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:04,440
Oh...

1226
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:05,880
It's a nightmare!

1227
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:08,160
I can't steer it!

1228
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:10,160
I literally cannot steer it!

1229
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:13,080
I think
he's experimenting with it.

1230
00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:15,200
I think he's sort of testing.

1231
00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:16,520
Oh, my God!

1232
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:22,560
- It looks pretty good.
- It looks fabulous!

1233
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:24,040
I bet it handles like a dream!

1234
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:25,480
Oh, come on!

1235
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,280
I'm gonna crash
into the bloody safety boat!

1236
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:33,760
- Look, he's making turns. Yes!
- That looks tremendous!

1237
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:36,400
Three times
I tried to get the Pond Bug

1238
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:38,400
pointing in the right direction.

1239
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:42,520
Absolutely impossible!

1240
00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:46,160
And then I thought, "Sod it,"
put my foot down,

1241
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:47,920
and went for it.

1242
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:53,160
Oh, Christ!

1243
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:57,560
It's only my skill that is keeping
this pointing in a straight line.

1244
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,320
And, to make matters worse
for a man on a speed run,

1245
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:07,160
I had no idea
how fast I was going.

1246
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,720
I've got a GPS speedo,
but I can't read it,

1247
01:00:10,760 --> 01:00:13,120
because there isn't any GPS.

1248
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,480
Why have they given me
such shoddy workmanship?

1249
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:22,360
Oh, heavens!

1250
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:27,560
Oh, Christ!

1251
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:30,520
That's the worst thing
I've ever done, ever.

1252
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:33,640
And now, I've gotta
turn round and do it again.

1253
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:36,160
I've gotta wait
for my own wash to die down.

1254
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,080
That's what did for Campbell.
He went back too quickly.

1255
01:00:43,280 --> 01:00:44,480
Here we go.

1256
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,480
That is my foot
pinned to the floor!

1257
01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:57,960
Jesus!
It's starting to chain lock!

1258
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:01,560
It's really bad.

1259
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:04,760
Ahhh!

1260
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:07,520
And then...

1261
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:08,800
Oh, my God!

1262
01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:10,760
Oh, no,
we've got a power problem!

1263
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:12,440
I'm losing power!

1264
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:17,440
May and Hammond have built
a piece of shit here.

1265
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:22,280
It sounds
a little bit inconsistent.

1266
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:24,400
That's maybe him
feathering the throttle.

1267
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:27,160
He is possibly finessing it
to keep it on the plain.

1268
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:30,520
Oh, no! Come on!

1269
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:41,120
Jesus! A lot of smoke.

1270
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:43,800
Well, that was a disaster!

1271
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:47,120
I've got no GPS, so I don't
know how fast that was.

1272
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:50,120
And the engine
is cutting out all the time.

1273
01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:54,360
Basically, it was time
for a stern word

1274
01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:56,440
with the engineering department.

1275
01:01:57,720 --> 01:01:59,280
- Right, you two...
- Yeah?

1276
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:00,560
Not only have you
built something

1277
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:02,120
- ugly and complicated...
- It's not...

1278
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:04,040
No, it's rubbish and lethal.

1279
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:06,600
- In what way?
- The worst thing is the steering.

1280
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:08,880
You cannot get it going
in a straight line.

1281
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:10,400
The steering
is a horrible compromise,

1282
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:13,600
cos it's gotta work the steering
wheel and steer the boat.

1283
01:02:13,640 --> 01:02:15,440
"Horrible compromise"
is a way of describing it.

1284
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:17,400
"Lethal" is another way.

1285
01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:20,040
- It looked great!
- Looked great out there.

1286
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:20,960
- Did it?
- Yeah.

1287
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:25,040
- I was doing about 4mph.
- Well, that's a start.

1288
01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:27,120
Then, an official
came on the Tannoy

1289
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:29,080
to announce my result.

1290
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:31,520
Sequence 46, the Pond Bug.

1291
01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:33,840
Pilot: Jeremy Clarkson.

1292
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:37,840
Your run South... 47.362.

1293
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:41,280
Return... 48.274.

1294
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:44,120
Average: 47.81.

1295
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:46,560
Which is a new National Record.

1296
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,720
There you go!

1297
01:02:48,760 --> 01:02:50,200
We did it!

1298
01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:51,480
What do you mean "we" did it?

1299
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:52,760
Would you have swam it?

1300
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:54,880
- I did it!
- We did it!

1301
01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:58,320
Thank you so much.

1302
01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:00,920
Thank you, thank you.

1303
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:07,200
Thank you! Thank you all
for applauding me!

1304
01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:09,840
No, wait, they're applauding
us as a team.

1305
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:12,080
Listen! I'm sorry
to go on about this,

1306
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:14,320
but Roger Bannister
was the first

1307
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:15,720
to break the four-minute mile.

1308
01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:17,440
Not the man who made his shoes.

1309
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:20,600
Edmund Hillary was the first
to go up Everest.

1310
01:03:20,640 --> 01:03:22,240
Not the man
who made his rucksack.

1311
01:03:22,280 --> 01:03:23,560
- So?
- So, I was the first...

1312
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:24,960
I was the first to do that!

1313
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:27,280
I broke the record, not you two!

1314
01:03:27,320 --> 01:03:30,160
Yeah, the truth is,
to be honest, we failed.

1315
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:31,640
You didn't fail.

1316
01:03:31,680 --> 01:03:33,240
I mean, if you'd spent less
time getting your hair cut

1317
01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:36,960
and more time working on the
engine so that it ran properly,

1318
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:40,360
I reckon that thing
would probably do 60 or 70.

1319
01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:42,160
On flat water,
it definitely would.

1320
01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:45,120
Yeah, but the thing is,
we gave it the square chines,

1321
01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:47,640
that really terrible steering,

1322
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:50,840
the fantastically complicated
knobs and buttons and things.

1323
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:55,120
Basically, we built a death
trap, and it didn't work.

1324
01:03:56,640 --> 01:03:58,880
Well, so you're...
Let me get this straight.

1325
01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:01,920
You were hoping I would
become one of the 85%

1326
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:03,640
who died
trying to break a record?

1327
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:06,200
Yes.

1328
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:08,480
So we're now actively trying
to kill each other?

1329
01:04:08,520 --> 01:04:10,840
Yes, and we can't even
do that properly!

1330
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:13,720
And on that terrible
disappointment, it's time to end.

1331
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:14,960
Thank you so much for watching.

1332
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:16,520
- Goodbye!
- Bye-bye.